Uncoupling: an insider’s guide to separation

Long-time Ponsonby local Barbara Relph is poised to publish this new book on 1 September.

Its publication is timely, being right in the centre of the media storm about the rising rate of separations and divorce post-Covid, and publicity about the outdated laws relating to separation and divorce in New Zealand.

As the author told Ponsonby News, I never thought I’d be an author, but this is how it happened. A few months into my post-separation life, I started dating online. I chose Tinder. The people I met and experiences I had were so extraordinary, I wrote them down. Six months down the road I realised I had the makings of a novel – the type I would never pick up and read myself, but hopefully the type others might. It is now published under a pseudonym for obvious reasons – and not available in New Zealand.

A numbers girl by trade, this is how I got into writing. Buoyed by that success, I am now a writer. My latest work is Uncoupling: An insider’s guide to separation in New Zealand. When I was separating, there was nothing on the market like it, and that is still true.

This is a non-fiction, plain English, practical guide specifically for the New Zealand market. Using my own experiences as a starting point, Uncoupling covers most aspects of separation including managing the immediate problems and getting emotions under control, resolution options, the law, managing lawyers and minimising costs. The final section looks at what a new life might look like, taking control of finances, employment, dating and new relationships. I have faced all these issues and it seems a waste not to use these experiences to improve the outcomes for others.

With a backdrop of an alarming increase in the rate of divorce and separation post-COVID – as much as 20% as reported by lawyer Jeremy Sutton in the Herald on 27 June, combined with the current drive to change the outdated law relating to division of property, the release of Uncoupling is very timely, and will be on the market on 1 September. It is driven by my own experiences of lawyers and the legal system, learning to sort my head out, and taking control of my life in a positive and sustainable way.

Personally, I can’t imagine what an enforced lockdown would have been like with my former partner, but it would definitely have ended in separation.

Copies are available at The Women’s Bookshop and other good bookshops in Auckland.

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Published 6 August 2021